What if the first gift of grief is rediscovering your ability to be kind to you...? Most of us are kind to everyone else except ourselves… What would be nurturing and comforting for you, rather than distressing and painful?

What does kindness mean to you? Make a list of 10 things that kindness means to you.  Would you be willing to explore your beliefs around kindness? Is kindness to yourself being selfish or could it actually be nurturing to the core of your wellbeing?  On a scale of 1 – 10 how kind are you to yourself? (Where 1 is unkind and 10 is very kind…) Would you be willing to start putting yourself first and asking some questions that could allow you to rediscover you?

Here are some questions to play with …

Is kindness support? How do you support you? Do you allow for the sadness and tears to come and flow through you? Do you allow others to support you and contribute to your nurturing, or do you hold back and hold it all in!

Is kindness listening to your body? Do you have aches and pains, are you tired and stressed? Would your body like a rest? Would your body enjoy some space or nurturing? When our body doesn’t feel good, it is telling us something. When you nurture your body you’ll notice it feels lighter and refreshed… this is your body’s way of talking to you.  So would you be willing to look at your body differently and ask and listen for its subtle symptoms?  What type of nurturing do you gift your body to feel refreshed?

Is kindness enjoyment …? What is it that you love to do that makes you feel good and lighter. Is it going to the country, riding your bike, having a massage? What feels like kindness to you?

Is kindness contributing ideas to you that generate more…? What questions could you ask yourself each morning to generate a positive start to your day? Could it be as simple as ‘What else is possible?’  It may be as simple as getting up in the morning, showering and choosing to put nice clothes on – when you look good, you feel good. What can you can do differently today that will add more kindness and nurturing to you?

Is kindness listening to your inner knowing? Instead of listening to everybody’s points of view and thoughts on what you should or shouldn’t do, what if you were to see it all as just their interesting point of view.  When you choose for you first, you don’t buy everybody else’s point of view.  Would that feel light and kind to you? If it feels light it’s true for you… if it feels heavy, it’s a lie!

Is kindness gratitude…for you and knowing your loved one for as long as you did…? Is it the words that you speak to yourself?  What if you were to stop beating yourself up about what you could have or should have done or said?  What if the words and thoughts you are using are keeping you in a space of trauma and pain?  Would you be willing to be kind to yourself and be grateful for the gift of knowing this person?

IS KINDNESS…ALL OF THE ABOVE and the willingness to allow you to be yourself without judgment? What if you were truly unique the way you are and that is exactly how you are meant to be? What does this feel like for you? Would you be willing every day for the next week to do or be something that is being kind to you?

Wendy Mulder.
Author, "Learning From Grief."

Wendy Mulder has experienced abuse, grief and trauma in her life and through the Right Recovery tools has learned to bring peace, joy and harmony into her life. She works with people in challenging situations to explore the different possibilities available for recovery and living joyfully.

Wendy has a Bachelor of Nursing Science.  As a registered nurse, midwife, mother, daughter and friend Wendy has experienced grief in all its facets. Wendy’s first book “Learning from Grief” was written whilst she nursed her Mother through a terminal illness at home.

Wendy is available for telephone consultations via skype (wendymulders) and in person in Brisbane, Australia. Contact Wendy on This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it